Update on my Beebaw

So just to get this down and make it somewhat more real in my mind, my Beebaw {my dad's dad} passed away on Sunday, January 22. They took him off the life support on Saturday and because of how stable he remained, they were able to transport him to his home where he passed away the following day. I went over to his house Saturday after getting some lunch with my family and spent most of the day there, visiting with cousins, aunts & uncles I haven't seen in way too long. We shared a lot of stories and started looking through some pictures.

It was really hard. Seeing him, in his house, but knowing he wasn't there mentally. He didn't look like him at all. But it was so nice gettign to see my cousins again, and seeing all my uncles. Like I said, it has been way too long since I have seen everyone together. The funeral is on Thursday, viewing is tomorrow.

I took it really hard Sunday & yesterday, but I am doing a lot better today. Just taking it one day at a time, and really making myself realize that no one expects me to handle this without being upset. Especially me. It's ok for me to miss him, and to be sad. Yesterday, I took the day off of work and pretty much just moped all day. Towards the end of the day though, I decided to write in my gratitude journal and I am so glad I did. It really helped me realize that things don't suck in my life - its just one hard thing that I need to get over. I still have lots to be grateful for. I am grateful that I got to say goodbye to him while he was still alive, even though he couldn't respond. And I am SO grateful that my work has been so understand with letting me take time off. Like I said, lots to be grateful for :)