One of the activities that we did was to write down our testimony in the little booklet that we got to take home. I've had the opportunity to bear my testimony quite a few times in the last year, but this was the first time in about a year that I actually wrote it down. Because the evening was focused on attributes & characteristics of Christ that we want to work on in ourselves, I tried to focus my written testimony on Christ. Sometimes I feel like I have a really simple testimony, but I think we all feel that way. The things that I know, I REALLY know. All night I kept thinking I wanted to write my testimony down again, on my blog, to remember where I'm at right now in my life spiritually so here goes.
I know that Jesus Christ is my older brother. I know that He is the best older brother that anyone in the world or universe could ever ask for or imagine. I know that He knows everything about me - my likes, my dislikes, my fears, my trials, my obstacles, my hopes & dreams - everything. I know that He knows who I am. He knows my name. He knows that I like to be called Ash. He loves me. An awful lot. He chose to die for me. And because of that, I get the chance to live with him again someday. And I can make that happen by being righteous, which makes Him happy and in a VERY small way repays Him for all that He has done for me. I know that He is aware of me and the things I am going through. I know that He is my comforter & healer. I know that He makes it easier for me to handle hard things in my life. I know that He has faith in me - that He knows that I can do hard things, even when I don't think I can. And I know that following in His footsteps will give me more happiness and joy in life than anything else ever could.
The activity last night made me really realize that I am seriously slacking when it comes to building my relationship with Him. And it's not that I am rebellious or whatever - I just got sucked into the humdrum of daily life and got busy and haven't made it a priority. I don't read my scriptures at night. We don't hold Family Home Evening. I compare & judge. I covet. SO bad. And while that makes me sad that I do so many things wrong, I am grateful for the Atonement so that I can change and constantly try to be better and be more like Him. I have proven to myself time and time again that I can change - we changed our finances, I became worthy to have a temple recommend, I lost 125 pounds - I can change. In big ways. I can become better at the things that are my weaknesses.
And its all great timing - I got an email yesterday about Camp Do More. They don't need volunteers this year after all, so going to Camp won't be free. It'll be around $400 just to get in the doors, let alone how much I will pay for my food, my hotel & gas to get to and from Vegas. So Camp Do More will have to go on my bucket list for another year, but not this year. Which means I have an "opening" on my list of 10 Crazy Cool things to happen this year. Coincidence? I think not.
I usually try to have something on my Crazy Cool that is measurable - that is something I can check off. A "to do" rather than a "to be". So this is going to break that rule, but at the same time it means it will always be something I am trying to get better at and striving to work on. So since I try to write my goals in current tense, as though they have already happened, here goes:
I have a loving relationship with my Savior that leaves me feeling confident enough in myself that I
no longer feel the need or desire to binge, covet or compare myself to others.
Kinda reminds me of this:
Yeah I like that. I want to be able to say that. I want that enough that I think that might be my new Push goal. In case you didn't know, your Push goal is the one goal out of the 10 that will make all the other ones happen. It doesn't mean it's the highest goal, or the most important to you - it just means that by accomplishing that goal, it will help your other goals happen.
And I changed my goal to be a size 8 in silver jeans. If I get pregnant, which I really am hoping I do, that won't be happening this year. So my replacement goal for THAT crazy cool is that I write down everything I eat in my phone. I'm great about doing it on days I eat healthy - it's the binge days that don't get written down. But not anymore!!
And last but not least, I am taking "going on a cruise" off of our list. Yes, I want to go on one but I don't want to feel rushed to hurry and go now before we get pregnant and then not go to the place we wanted to go to. So that will get pushed back to goals for a few years from now. I am wanting to replace that one with a goal to post on my blog 200 times in 2013. Yes, 200. I want to post more of what happens in our everyday life, not just the big things and REALLY use this as a journal. 200 times breaks down to about 4 times a week. That's totally do-able.
So recap - here is my 2013 Crazy Cool list:
- I have a loving relationship with my Savior that leaves me feeling confident enough in myself that I
no longer feel the need or desire to binge, covet or compare myself to others. - I write down everything I eat in my phone.
- We have $13,000 in our Emergency Fund.
- We {Jake & I} have performed an endowment session in every Utah & Salt Lake County Temple.
- I am sealed to my husband.
- I have posted in my blog 200 times in 2013.
- We are still debt free.
- We have a fenced backyard.
- I stay home to be a mom & wife.
- I am a mom.
And just putting it out there now - I'm deleting my Facebook & Instagram accounts. I compare and covet like none other when I am on it. I always want more "likes" on the things I post, or I get jealous of something awesome that happened in someone else's life or whatever. Facebook is a superficial way to stay in touch with people - for me at least. I can follow people I barely know from afar rather than building relationships with people. If I delete it, I will have to actually work to have relationships with those people that I want to remain "in the loop" with. So yeah, I'm deleting it. And then things that happen in my life will end up on the blog, since that will be my media outlet. And I won't be wasting time looking at Facebook & Instagram all the time. Definitely feel good about this decision. I'm sure it'll throw people off, and I'm not suggesting everyone delete it or whatever. It's just not something I want anymore. I'm sure Jake will keep his Facebook - that way if something needed to be communicated to the masses we could do it through him. I'm just done with wasting my time on it, and more than anything with coveting from it!
200 posts in 2013. Man that's a lofty goal. Something I will have to push for. Something WORTH pushing for so I can remember all the things that happen. Get ready to get an OVERLOAD of stuff going on in my life haha!!
OH and I almost forgot.... JAKE IS GETTING THE MELCHEZIDEK PRIESTHOOD ON SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so proud of him!!!!! And Clint comes home 2 weeks from today!!! Lots of exciting things coming for us!! Woot!!!
Oh and PS I'm definitely not pregnant :( Maybe next month!!
Wow Ashley, this is a really really great post. The more I read the more I feel like you and I are a lot a like in the way we think and feel about things. I just read and sometimes think "She's taking the words right out of my mouth!"(or the thoughts right out of my head!) You are a very intelligent person and I look up to you and think you are very wise. I think you set amazing and very realistic goals. I just think of you as someone who definitely has their head on straight. I love reading your blogs!
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