Disappointed

The last few weeks, but DEFINITELY the last week or so, I have noticed my clothes aren't fitting quite right. Little tighter than I remembered. And I pulled the whole "well I just dryed this - it must have shrunk in the dryer". But after EVERYTHING started fitting different, it made me realize something must not be right. I decided yesterday to bust out my scale again, even though I "broke up" with it and see where I am at.

Last time I weighed {and posted on the blog} I was at 168, about 6 weeks ago. And I knew I had gained from that. I just hoped I was still in the 170's. So this morning I got the scale out and got on. And seriously about cried.

185.

My lowest was 164 the week I turned 25. What an awesome birthday present to myself right?! I was 4 pounds from my original goal weight! 4!!!! I slowly gained some of it, like I said - I was at 168 6 weeks ago. So in 6 weeks, I have gained 17 pounds. Yeah that hurts.

And that's the thing - I'm not mad. At all. I'm sad. I'm disappointed in myself. But I am not mad, and I am not all that surprised. The way that I binge totally makes sense. It makes sense that the number would be that high.

And it's something measurable that I can work on. It can take a few weeks to see my clothes fitting differently. It takes a week or less to see the scale move.

So that's the plan - back to what I was doing before. And actually sticking to it this time. Even if I have a bad day. Even if I over sleep. Even if I am craving ice cream so bad it's painful. I am worth more than this.

So Monday's are going to be weigh in day again. And knowing that people do read this occasionally makes me really want to make that number go down so that I don't have to be embarrassed that it's not moving.

And I have a "deadline" - our sealing is coming. Like really coming. As soon as the date is concrete I will post it but I have got to get my buns in gear if I want to look good and feel good for that.

I don't think I look TOO different from before, just slight differences. But I feel WAY different and I don't like that. I know that I can fix that. And I'm going to. Stay tuned for the post on Monday saying that number on the scale has dropped!