In a rut

I bet you've noticed I am blogging a lot more. Goal is to do 17 posts a month - that'll get me at my goal of 200 by the end of 2013. So I have been blogging about everything we do, everything I read, blah blah. I stopped blogging about my weight loss because it wasn't as exciting each month - only losing a few pounds a month didn't seem like anything to blog about. Until it hit me - my weight loss slowed down once I stopped blogging about it. I don't think thats a coincidence. When I know that I don't need to "report" my month on my blog, I have been SERIOUSLY chillin' on my results. Lots of cheating, on the weekends mostly. Lots of days of sleeping in. Lots of eating more calories than I know I should during the week. Equals not lots of weight loss. So guess what - time to start talking about it on the blog again.

I started a DoTerra cleanse - talked about that last week. It cleans out everything in your body - toxins, gunk - stuff you do not want in there. I was so excited to do this cleanse to give me that extra push to get the last few pounds off. As of last Monday, I was at 163.8 pounds. That's 3.8 from original goal, and 18.8 from the adjusted goal. And then I ate SUPER bad between my birthday, Clint coming home, Super Bowl and spending so much time away from my kitchen and my routine. I went 4 days in a row without a workout. I didn't know I could even do that haha. Apparently it's not as imbedded in my routine as I thought. And I got on the scale this past Monday and weight 174.0. Yep, I gained 10 pounds in a week. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I sucked drinking my water, so I figured it would go down after a day or two. On Tuesday, same thing. In fact I think it said 174.2. Oh good. So it ISN'T just going to fall off. Great. I busted my butt for months and in a week gained 10 of it back. Talk about guilt tripping myself. I have been SO hard on myself this week, and I hadn't really realized that until this morning after I finished my workout.

I did Fire 55 today - one of my favorite Turbo Fire workouts. It's 55 minutes of SUPER intense cardio. It is SO hard. I love it though. The music rocks. The stuff she says to motivate you is awesome. I love the choreography. I just feel like I can't breathe when I'm done. And today was no exception - it was just as intense as ever. I'm doing my cool down stretch, sweat dripping off my face, and I realize that in my mind I am saying some pretty negative stuff to myself - that I didn't go hard enough, that I didn't burn enough. That I need to do another workout tonight. Wow wow wow. I NEVER talk to myself like that - it's always super cocky conceited things I say in my head "you did AWESOME you sexy beast! Way to go Ash - you seriously rocked it out!" and then today "I totally suck". Time to write down some goals, time to stop beating myself up. Time to get back to how I was before Thanksgiving.

Since Thanksgiving, I lost 1 pound. Because I would lose, gain, lose, gain, lose, gain. You get the idea. I wanted to lose over Thanksgiving. Didn't. Wanted to lose over Christmas. Didn't. Wanted to lose over my birthday. Gained. I'm frustrated with myself. I was SO close to my goal and I've taken a few steps in the wrong direction. I'm not 300 pounds - I caught myself before it got to that point. But I have definitely been screwing up lately and it's time to go back to "lose" mode.

I ate a lot more calories each day in January than normal - I was eating around 1800. Used to eat around 1400. Because I figured I could eat more and still lose, just at a slower rate. Well yeah that's kinda true, except I didn't stick to calories on weekends, skipped workouts so it makes sense that I was at the exact same weight at the end of the month. And I think I binged two or three times in there. Yeah makes me feel better knowing my body isn't broken - I know EXACTLY what I did wrong last month to not see the scale move.

So this month, the scale is moving. This morning, it was at 170. I think the next 7 pounds {to get me back to where I was last Monday} will come off faster than normal - it won't take 3.5 weeks to lose it {since 2 pounds a week is safe}. So by the end of February, I want to be at 160. On the dot. Goal now is 150. Yeah 145 would be nice. I know people who started at the same weight as me and ended up in the 130's. Awesome for them. That isn't my goal. 150 is goal. And then tone tone tone tone tone. I'm still doing ChaLean Extreme, so I am already working on the toning but I want to lose a little bit more weight too. Once I'm at goal, I will be strength training more often but right now I am keeping with my cardio/strength training schedule I created.

Calories - I'm going back to no more than 1500 a day. Preferrably around 1400, but it depends on how intense my workout was that day. I am LOVING my heart rate monitor - I have been burning a minimum of 450 calories a workout - usually its around 550 or 600. Plan is no less than 450. If I haven't burned that many by the end of a workout, then I gotta keep going or I will have to workout when I get home and I HATE that, so it means I REALLY have to push myself during my hour workouts in the morning.

I am really cracking down on my eating - really following the "Eat Clean" diet from Tosca Reno. It works man. If you haven't read that book, read it. Now. Amazon, Half.com, Wal Mart - I don't care where you get it but read it. My body feels SO different today {Thursday} than it did on Monday {when I was recovering my eating hangover of last week}. Eating HEALTHY, clean, natural foods helps. And yeah, I eat a TON of food when you look at it all laid out because healthy clean foods are usually pretty low calorie. So I get to eat a LOT of food and still stay at my goal calorie number.

Ice Cream is getting "banished" to the weekends. I bought some low fat creamies & skinny cow ice cream sandwiches at the grocery store last week and had been eating at least one a day, if not more. Not anymore. One of Fridays, one on Saturdays. If I work out that day. So if I skip Saturdays workout, I skip my ice cream sandwich. And they are only 140 calories for the sandwiches, 105 for the creamies, so it won't undo my work I have been doing all week. Before, I would go to JCW's or Arctic Circle for ice cream on the weekends. Yeah don't worry, that's only like 1000 calories. And that's assuming I don't get any food.

It feels really good to realize why the scale isn't moving - why my clothes aren't getting bigger. I am not doing anything to lose, I have been doing enough to maintain. Until last week, then I did enough to gain. Gah. But I learn from my mistakes - mistakes are proof you are trying. And I am trying. And from here on out, I am going to lose again.

I bought a pair of Lucky jeans a week ago at Costco. For $30. I LOVE Lucky jeans - always have. I had a pair in high school that I liked, but there was this pair - the "wonders" that I REALLY wanted and my mom told me if I got to goal size {29 or a size 8} she would buy them for me. Well, it never happened. I had a pair of 30's I got online and they fit - barely. But they didn't fit. They buttoned. Barely. I wore a hoodie over them to hide my muffin top. And that was ok in my mind, then. Not anymore. I want my jeans to fit, and look good, while I'm getting dressed and I don't have a shirt on to cover my muffin top. I want my clothes to FIT. And those 10's fit pretty well right now - by the end of February, they are going to fit AWESOME. By the end of March, they are going to be lose. And by the end of April - April 30, they are going to be too big and I am GOING to be wearing size 29 Lucky jeans. And I am GOING to weigh 150 pounds. I'll do a post every Friday about how the week went. Because doing it once a month was too long - I would forget. And doing it on Friday will help me stay focused for the weekend. Since it's Thursday today, I won't post tomorrow but next Friday - be prepared for pictures and updates and for that number on the scale to have DROPPED!